The Gottman Method is a couples therapy approach that was developed by relationship experts Drs. John and Julie Gottman. They have spent decades doing research on couples and have developed a series of tools to improve relationships based on their theories. Some of these tools include: 

Love Maps

Love Maps are a tool to help couples get to know each other. Healthy relationships are built by couples who are deeply familiar with each other’s internal and external worlds.

You might think you know everything there is to know about your partner, but since we all grow and change as a natural part of life, the details of your partner’s inner world will change too.

That’s why it’s important to keep updating your Love Maps throughout your relationship, so you have a stronger foundation when stressful situations come up. 

The 4 Horsemen of Relationships

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a biblical reference to signs of the end times. In relationships, this metaphor is used to describe 4 communication styles that can predict the end of a relationship with remarkable accuracy.

These 4 communication styles that can lead to the breakdown of relationships are: 

• Criticism is a kind of attack on your partner’s character, as opposed to complaints or critiques which refer to a specific issue. Constant criticism in relationships sets the foundation of rejection and hurt in the relationship, which makes it easier for the other horsemen to follow.

• Contempt is disrespectful and mean, and stems from long-running negative thoughts about your partner. Contempt can include sarcasm, ridicule, name calling, eye rolling, all of which make people feel unloved and unlovable. 

• Defensiveness often comes up when criticism is at play, and often leads to blame and shame. This can make conflicts worse. 

• Stonewalling is often a defense against contempt, and happens when one partner shuts down and stops responding. 

The Sound Relationship House

The Gottman Method is based on the Sound Relationship House theory, which is a metaphor for building a strong relationship. To build the Sound Relationship House, you need to follow these steps: 

1. Build Love Maps

2. Share Fondness and Admiration

3. Turn Towards Instead of Away

4. The Positive Perspective

5. Manage Conflict

6. Make Life Dreams Come True

7. Create Shared Meaning

The Gottman Method focuses on 3 main areas for couples: friendship, conflict management, and shared meaning making. Lots of couples don’t know how to break out of the negative conflict patterns that they’re stuck in, which leads to disconnection and distress.

Working on rebuilding the friendship that you share can bring you closer together and help prepare you to cope with issues that arise in the future. 

At Rouse, we use the Gottman method to help couples get to know each other better, understand their negative conflict patterns, and grow closer through communication and vulnerability.