Tell us about masculinity, Esther

Masculinity. What does it mean to you? To society? And, most importantly, what does it mean to men themselves? These are the questions therapist Esther Perel waxes on in her newest video on masculinity. As you may know, Esther Perel has done wonderful work for relationships and even families. Her discussion on masculinity of course falls in line with her poignant thinking about relationships.

Personally, I love how she talks about how masculinity is seen as “an imperative, a duty, a performance, a ‘prove it’.” I have witnessed many men and AMAB folks talk with certainty and absolutism that masculinity is way of being that has been defined by others, and they’re trying to find a way to fit in or make it work for them.

By naming the reality that today, masculinity is “hard to acquire, and easy to lose”, Perel pokes at the heightened and unrealistic expectations faced by men to follow a path only Sysiphus would love. If you work hard, isolate, beef up, and push away you’ve successfully earned your man card. Use the word “cute” or stand incorrectly, your man card is revoked. What is this bullshit?

What expectations of masculinity are you ready to give up in favor of your mental health?

What aspects of masculinity do you want to keep in favor of your mental health?

Let’s take a moment and be soothed by Esther’s thoughts.