bell hooks and “The Will to Change”: Understanding Masculinity

The Will to Change is one of bell hook's books that focuses on masculinity and challenges the traditional notion and expectations of dating and relationships. 

As a black feminist, hooks, in her book, links gender inequality in relationships to toxic masculinity. hooks believes the privileges men enjoy in relationships are the culprit behind the lack of genuine connections in relationships. She further suggests that men and women will experience mutual love, care, and respect only when the power and gender imbalance are addressed in relationships.

In her book, hooks encouraged readers to rather fashion masculinity as a force for positive changes. 

This piece takes a look into the work of bell hooks, The Will to Change, and its impacts on masculinity in relation to dating and relationships.

The Concept of Change in the Will to Change

In her book, The Will to Change, hooks sets the ground by analyzing the importance of change in society. She says change is a necessary part of human endeavors that everyone must leverage for a fulfilling life. 

She encourages readers to identify change as an internal commitment rather than an external decision. For one to change from their old beliefs and habits, they must first reach a state of self-awareness and admit to "the will to change." One must recognize their weakness and limitations and have the desire to transition from them. 

Relating this to the dating and relationship world, this journey requires confronting old beliefs and assumptions about relationships, especially power dynamics between men and women. 

hooks also highlights the difficulties associated with change. Genuine change requires challenging pre-set societal rules and traditions, which can be an uphill battle. She calls for a shift in how individuals perceive masculinity and femininity and encourages re-imaging of connection and intimacy. 

hooks also highlights the importance of vulnerability in relationships. She encourages individuals to leverage vulnerability as a tool for change and emotional honesty to enhance genuine love and connection in relationships. When individuals feel free to express their feelings and desires, they are set to challenge the hook that hinders growth in relationships and, therefore, can enjoy genuine intimacy. 

Key Themes in "The Will to Change" about Masculinity 

Bell hooks embedded a few ideas in her book that cut across different topics, like power, emotion and gender. 

One significant theme of the book is the relationship between love and power. She advocates that a healthy relationship should separate power from love, as the two don't work together. Love doesn't thrive where power and control rule. Love should rather be defined as an expression of mutual respect, care, and understanding. 

This re-imaging of what love should set the foundation for healthy relationships and challenges the status quo of the power dynamics that breed gender inequality in relationships and society as a whole.

 Another point addressed in The Will to Change is the pre-set image of what men should be. Societal expectations from men are a major cause of emotional depression with the male gender and a tool for violence and disconnection. hooks believes these expectations are harmful not only to women but also to men as they breed unnecessary emotional imbalances and prevent them from leading the type of life they cherish. 

bell hooks also explores the concept of "soul murder" to describe the profound emotional and psychological harm inflicted on boys when taught to hold in their emotions and disconnect from their authentic selves. This experience often involves shaming boys for expressing vulnerability or tenderness, effectively severing them from their full humanity. hooks argues that this societal expectation for men to repress their emotions not only damages their individual well-being but also perpetuates harmful patterns in their relationships and society as a whole.

Essentially, "soul murder" is a form of trauma that results from the denial of one's true self. This denial can manifest in various ways, including emotional detachment, difficulty forming intimate connections, and an increased tendency towards aggression and violence. By understanding the impact of "soul murder," we can begin to challenge these harmful societal norms and create space for men to embrace their full emotional range. This, in turn, can lead to healthier relationships, greater self-awareness, and a more compassionate society.

Are you experiencing challenges in your relationship or personal life and would need the service of a therapist? Whether you are looking for individual or couples therapy, Rouse Relational Wellness is the right place to seek help. 

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