Working with Interracial Couples: 5 Tips for Therapists
Couples therapy can be daunting for any therapist, but it is crucial to consider the unique needs of interracial couples. Couples in these relationships often have to face many challenges that are not present in same-race couple relationships. As a therapist, it is important to be aware of these issues and to create an environment where both partners feel comfortable talking about them. Here are five key points to remember when working with interracial couples.
Watch Out for Your Own Bias
Therapists must examine their own beliefs and assumptions about race and ethnicity before working with interracial couples. Suppose you find yourself making snap judgments or expecting certain behaviors from either partner based on race. In that case, it's time to do some self-reflection and seek out additional training in cultural humility. Your own biases may inadvertently lead you to make assumptions about the relationship dynamics or communication patterns that could be inaccurate or even harmful. Whenever possible, do your research, seek consultation, try to remain open-minded, and remember that each couple’s situation is unique.
Work on Cultural Humility, Not Competency
Cultural competency—or the ability to understand and effectively work with people from different cultures—is an admirable goal for any therapist. However, cultural humility—or the recognition that one cannot possibly completely understand another person’s culture—is often more beneficial when working with interracial couples. This mindset allows therapists to approach each conversation with a spirit of openness and curiosity rather than assuming they already understand the couple’s shared experiences and perspectives.
Focus on being open-minded and nonjudgmental when engaging with clients from different backgrounds than your own. Listen closely to what they have to say and allow them to lead the conversation without imposing your own views on them or trying to give advice too quickly.
Suggested reading: “I love you, don’t touch me” On Protest Behaviors
Understand Communication Differences
Learning how different cultures communicate can help therapists better understand the conversations between interracial couples. For example, some cultures rely heavily on nonverbal cues such as eye contact or body language while others focus almost exclusively on verbal communication. Understanding these differences can help therapists better identify gaps in communication or unspoken feelings between partners in an interracial relationship and provide them with tools for bridging those gaps through more effective communication strategies.
Remember that every couple has its unique communication style, but this can become even more pronounced in interracial relationships if both partners come from different cultural backgrounds. Language barriers can also be present if one partner speaks a language other than English (or the language the therapist speaks). In these cases, it's important to understand each partner's communication style to feel heard and understood during therapy sessions.
Highlight Differences in Relationship Expectations
Interracial couples may come from cultures where certain expectations regarding gender roles or family dynamics are held differently than what either partner has experienced before entering the relationship. Awareness of these expectations can help therapists frame their conversations around how each partner views their role within the relationship and other aspects such as parenting styles or household responsibilities. This awareness can also foster greater understanding between partners if there are conflicting views and point out potential areas where compromise may be needed.
One potential intervention is to help each partner explain the meaning and values behind their belief or reaction. By giving space for each partner to feel seen and heard, you are encouraging them to find different ways of connecting and communicating with each other. Try using Initiator-Inquirer from The Developmental Model, or Dream Within Conflict by The Gottman Method.
Examine Potential Issues Around Power & Privilege
Power dynamics can play a huge role in relationships between people of different races or ethnicities. One partner may feel more powerful than the other due to their racial/ethnic identity or upbringing, which can create tension in their relationship if it’s not addressed properly by both partners as well as the therapist themselves during therapy sessions.
When discussing power dynamics within an interracial couple’s relationship, it is important to recognize potential issues that arise from privilege based on race, gender identity, sexual orientation, class background etc. In addition, exploring both individual and collective experiences related to oppression due to racism should also be part of this discussion so that partners may better understand one another’s lived experiences and build empathy around them.
Working with interracial couples presents its own set of unique challenges that must be carefully considered by any therapist hoping to work successfully with this population. However, by keeping these five points in mind therapists can create a safe enough environment for partners to talk openly about their struggles:
watching out for your own bias;
practicing cultural humility;
understanding communication differences;
highlighting differences in expectations;
and examining potential issues around power & privilege