The Folsom St. Fair is an annual kink and leather street fair that attracts thousands of people to San Francisco for a day of extravagance and exploration. As exhilarating as this event can be, it can also be overwhelming, especially for people who experience anxiety or stress. Let's explore ways to calm your nervous system and ground yourself during big events using tips from the workshop "Unleashing Calm in Kinky Chaos," led by David Khalili, LMFT, Founder of Rouse Relational Wellness.

Understanding How the Nervous System Works:

The human nervous system is a complex network of cells, tissues, and organs that control all body functions, including the stress response. When someone experiences anxiety or stress, the nervous system activates its 'fight or flight' response. This sends signals to the brain, releasing neurotransmitters like adrenaline and cortisol. These chemicals trigger physiological changes, such as increasing heart rate and constricting blood vessels. While this response is necessary for survival, being in a high state of stress for prolonged periods can damage overall health. However, the good news is that understanding the nervous system's role in stress response empowers individuals with the knowledge and tools to manage and reduce their anxiety levels. Simple practices like deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, and physical activity can all help combat the effects of stress and promote overall well-being.

So when we face a perceived threat, our bodies enter "fight or flight" mode, which is the sympathetic nervous system triggering a physical response, such as an elevated heart rate, faster breathing, and tense muscles, which prepares us to run or fight. To counteract this response, we should get into the parasympathetic nervous system. This helps the body relax and can be triggered by deep breathing, visualizing calmness or imagery that brings comfort. Regardless of what works for you, find a centering point to keep you calm while at busy events.

Grounding Techniques While at Big Parties:

Grounding techniques can benefit people experiencing anxiety during events like Folsom St. Fair. One approach is setting intentions. 

Decide your intentions for the party with the following techniques:

• Before you leave for the big event, sit in your bed or a chair relaxedly. Close your eyes and connect with the sensations of your seated body. Make sure your spine is straight but not rigid.

• Take three long, deep, nourishing breaths—breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth. Then let your breath settle into its own rhythm as you simply follow it in and out, noticing the rise and fall of your chest and belly as you breathe.

• Check in with yourself:

• How do I want to show up to this event?

• What do I need to tend to myself during the event?

• How might I be more compassionate to others and myself during difficult moments?

• How might I feel more connected and fulfilled?

• Set your intention for the day. For example, "Today, I will be kind to myself; be patient with others; stay in community; stay grounded; persevere; have fun; eat well," or anything else you feel is essential.

• Throughout the day, check in with yourself:

• Reflect on how you're doing. Need a break? Want more? Or do you feel like you've had enough and it's time to leave?

Utilizing breathing exercises like square breathing (inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, and hold for four seconds) can be uplifting if you have an anxiety attack. 

Lastly, consider taking a break from the commotion and taking a walk, or as you move around the party, tell a friend that you need to step away for a moment.

Communicating Your Boundaries:

It is crucial to feel safe and respected, especially when engaging in BDSM activities. Learning to communicate your limits and standing up for yourself is essential. Suppose your partner or anyone approaches you with an undesirable activity. In that case, turn them down by advising what you are not interested in and giving alternative activities you would enjoy. You can of course say no altogether. Remember that you have the power to make that decision. Knowing what you are comfortable and uncomfortable with can give you more power and control in any situation.

If you need further guidance or support, contact a kink-affirming therapist to explore ways to manage your anxiety and thrive in subculture settings. 

Sign up for a free phone consult for kink-affirming therapy and learn more about self-care practices that work for you below: