The Importance of Aftercare
We've all heard of the importance of foreplay, but what about afterplay? Aftercare is just as important, if not more so, than foreplay regarding kinky sex. Here's why:
Sexual Aftercare Helps Establish Safety and Connection
One of the most essential aspects of kinky sex is establishing and maintaining a sense of safety and connection with your partner. Aftercare helps to set this safety by creating a space for you and your partner to debrief and check in with each other after your scene. This is a time to discuss what went well and what didn't and to express any emotional reaction you might be having. Sexual aftercare can be time to reflect on the toys or materials that should be paused for a while or which ones to introduce. By connecting with each other after your scene, you can help ensure that everyone feels safe and secure.
Aftercare Helps with the Comedown of Emotions and Neurochemicals
During kinky sex, our bodies go through many emotions and neurochemical changes. These changes can be overwhelming, and it's important to have a time and place to process them. Aftercare provides this space by allowing you to slowly come down from the high of your scene with the help of your partner. This can be done through physical touch, conversation, or simply sitting in silence together. Whatever form it takes, aftercare provides an opportunity for you to gradually return to the world outside of your scene.
“Thrusting yourself onto a busy street right after being in a soup of endorphins and bodily fluids can be extremely disorienting.”
Aftercare Gives You Space to Integrate Your Kinky Experiences
Kinky sex can be a lot to take in physically and emotionally. Aftercare gives you the time and space to integrate these experiences into your life. Thrusting yourself onto a busy street right after being in a soup of endorphins and bodily fluids can be extremely disorienting. This integration can be important in staying healthy and sane when engaging in kinky sex. By taking the time to process your experiences, you can help ensure that they are positive ones that add to your life.
So what is Aftercare?
Aftercare is the care and attention given to participants after a scene. It can be as simple as making sure everyone has a glass of water, review safewords, or it can be more involved, like debriefing and processing emotions. The importance of aftercare cannot be understated; it helps participants feel safe and cared for, and can prevent Top drop and Sub drop.
How to Do Aftercare?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, as aftercare will vary depending on the needs of the participants. However, some suggestions for aftercare include cuddling, talking about the scene, sharing feedback, eating something nutritious, drinking lots of water, and getting some rest. In addition, subdrop aftercare can include emotional and physical nurturance, and often tops need that type of care too.
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If you're engaged in kinky sex, then aftercare is just as important as foreplay. It helps establish safety and connection, helps with the comedown of emotions and neurochemicals, helps you slowly reenter the world, and gives you space to integrate your kinky experiences. So make sure you carve out some time for aftercare the next time you engage in kinky sex! You'll be glad you did.
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Check out a recent roundup of expert tips on top sex positions from the Between Us Clinic, including tips from David Khalili, LMFT, founder of Rouse Relational Wellness!
Rouse Relational Wellness is a sex and relationship wellness center featuring sex-positive, trauma-informed therapy for individuals and relationships. We also offer couples intensives, professional consultations, and workshops. All of our services are available online and our office is located in the Castro district of San Francisco, California. If you would like to learn more about our services, please visit us here.