Queer men in the margins
There’s a lot of talk in the therapeutic and coaching communities about LGBTQIA+ issues. But what about queer men who exist on the margins of society? In this blog post, we’ll explore some unique challenges they face. Queer men in the margins often struggle with isolation, poverty, and mental health issues. They also face discrimination and violence at higher rates than other members of the LGBTQIA+ community. If you’re a therapist or coach working with queer men, you must be aware of these issues and provide support accordingly.
Who are they?
Queer men in the margins are queer men who are multiply marginalized based on their other social identities. They can include, but are not limited to, queer men who are also:
BIPOC
Poly/kinky
Trans/non-binary
Lower socioeconomic status
Asexual/aromantic
HIV+/Men with AIDS
First-gen
In mixed identity relationships
Why focus on them?
We are focusing on queer men in the margins because it’s pride month and because this is a unique area of focus for Rouse. We have found in our time that these men want connection and belonging within multiple communities but are finding ways in which they have to choose just one community. I hope bringing attention to queer men in the margins will allow space for recognition, reverence, and inclusion.
Our hope is by bringing more awareness and amplifying their voices and existence, we can reduce shame and anxiety. By acknowledging and recognizing them for their beautiful and wonderful parts and identities, we are allowing space for their whole integrated self and discouraging hiding important parts of themselves out of shame or fear of discrimination.
Do you get nervous when your partner initiates sex? Feeling anxiety and worry around sex is common, and it can be managed! Take our quiz to see how much sex worry is impacting your relationship to sex.
So what are some unique issues that we’re men in the margins face?
Queer men are eight times more likely to attempt suicide and six times more likely to have substance-abuse issues, according to the CDC. Queer men in the margins have higher rates of anxiety and depression. And if we look at more specific identities, BIPOC queer men face higher rates of discrimination in the queer community and their racial and ethnic communities. Bisexual men or queer men who love all genders experience erasure and questioning of the validity of their sexuality. Queer men with lower socioeconomic status can face double discrimination with housing or access to healthcare.
Queer men in the margins, like many multiple marginalized folks, are hyper-aware of being watched and analyzed for their credibility or validity of who they are. There’s a constant awareness of being watched and assessed as being “man enough”, “black enough,” or even “queer enough.” because of this hyper-awareness, there’s a high level of anxiety, shame, and self-doubt. This hyper-awareness can limit these men from being themselves rather than who they think they should be.
That’s why I believe that in our work as therapists, we are there to help them fully integrate and be who they truly are. We are there to help them understand all of their parts and all their wonderful self for them to decide how they want to integrate their entire self.
Some ways to help queer men and the margins:
Address any immediate concerns first. You want to look for and take care of any immediate issues that can potentially harm the person, others in their lives, or interfere with their therapeutic work. These can be issues or concerns like suicidality, significant mental health issues, or substance abuse issues. By triaging these pieces first, you are not only ensuring safety but also helping make space to do good work.
Give them space to explore and understand all of their identities. This work can be through collaborative conversation, journal prompts, meditation, research, exploration and education, and encouraging them to participate in community events and reflect on their experience.
Help them define their needs and boundaries and explore ways to communicate these needs and boundaries with people in their lives. Sometimes people with shame and anxiety minimize their needs and sense of safety to feel included in a relationship or community.
Queer men in the margins face unique stressors that we as wellness providers benefit from knowing to provide them the care and attention they deserve. To do this, we need to be aware of these stressors and understand how they impact queer men’s lives. We hope that this article has helped you learn more about some of these stressors so that you can better serve the queer community. If you want to learn more, join us for our CE workshop on queer men in the margins, where we will explore these topics in further detail.
Rouse Relational Wellness is located in the Castro district of San Francisco, California. We provide sex-positive, trauma-informed therapy for individuals and relationships. If you would like to learn more about our services, please visit us here.