Don't Suffer in Silence: Talking to Your Partner about Pain During Sex
Sex is supposed to be enjoyable and satisfying, but it can be physically painful for many women. Maybe you experience discomfort during penetration or find that your vaginal area is sore afterward. But do you talk about it with your partner? If you don't, you're not alone. It's natural to feel embarrassed or uneasy about sharing this type of information, but keeping quiet only prolongs the problem. That's why in this blog post, we will discuss the importance of talking to your partner if you have pain during sex.
You’re not alone
Firstly, know that pain during sex is common. According to a reports from the Journal of Medicine and the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, they estimate the prevalence of pain during sex globally as 3-18% globally, and as many as 10-28% of women experiencing pain during sex in their lifetime. So, if you're experiencing pain, know that you're not alone. However, no one should have to suffer in silence. You deserve access to pleasure in your sexual relationships, and this is only possible if you speak up and seek help.
Check-in with yourself and your partner
Secondly, it's understandable to feel anxiety about discussing pain during sex with your partner. But it's important to remember that this is a conversation that must happen. Set aside a time when you and your partner can talk openly and honestly with each other about what's happening. You could even write down what you want to say beforehand to make sure that the conversation flows smoothly. The crucial thing is to take time to talk and listen to each other.
Share your experience
Thirdly, explain what is happening from your experience. Open communication is essential when it comes to sexual matters. Don't be afraid to tell your partner in detail about what's causing your pain or discomfort. It may be that your partner is thrusting too hard or too deep, or is not giving you enough foreplay. Whatever the reason, explaining what's happening is the first step toward finding a solution.
Specific Suggestions
Fourthly, suggest activities that can help with reducing pain. Start by exploring more foreplay, which can help stimulate natural lubrication or make penetration easier. During sex, communicate with your partner, telling them to slow down, change position or take a break if needed. Remember, having a safe word or gesture can help you communicate more subtly during sex. If you need a break, ensure your partner knows by using such gestures or verbal communication.
You can also seek out support through devices geared towards relieving pain during sex. One that we recommend frequently, and is often lauded by our AFAB patients and colleagues, is the Intimate Rose Pelvic Trigger Point Wand. We don’t get a commission from this link, but have seen this work wonders. It’s also accessibly priced!
Seek Support
Lastly, don't hesitate to seek help. If your pain is severe or persistent, it's essential to talk to a professional. Many different treatments are available for sexual pain, ranging from at-home remedies to medical treatment options. The important thing is to take the necessary steps to address the problem. In either case, a therapist or counselor can help, which brings us to our final point.
It can be scary to talk to your partner about pain during sex, but it's critical that you do so. Open communication with your partner is key. Discussing the issue, explaining your feelings and sharing suggestions for pain relief can go a long way. Keep in mind that painful sex is common, but it's never ordinary. If you need help, reach out to a professional. Remember, everyone deserves a fulfilling sex life, and there is no need to suffer in silence. So, don't hesitate to take the necessary steps towards making sex enjoyable and comfortable again for both you and your partner. Don't let pain during sex continue to affect your sexual and emotional well-being – reach out for a free consultation today.
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References:
Shershun, E. (2021). Healing sexual trauma somatic skills to help you feel safe in your body, create boundaries, and... live with resilience. New Harbinger Publications
Mitchell, K. R., Geary, R., Graham, C. A., Datta, J., Wellings, K., Sonnenberg, P., Field, N., Nunns, D., Bancroft, J., Jones, K. G., Johnson, A. M., & Mercer, C. H. (2017). Painful sex (dyspareunia) in women: prevalence and associated factors in a British population probability survey. BJOG : an international journal of obstetrics and gynaecology, 124(11), 1689–1697. https://doi.org/10.1111/1471-0528.14518