Masculinity. What does it mean to you? To society? And, most importantly, what does it mean to men themselves? These are the questions therapist Esther Perel waxes on in her newest video on masculinity. As you may know, Esther Perel has done outstanding work for relationships and even families. So her discussion on masculinity, of course, falls in line with her poignant thinking about relationships.

I love how she mentions that masculinity is seen as "an imperative, a duty, a performance, a 'prove it'." I have witnessed many men and AMAB folks talk with certainty and absolutism that masculinity is a way of being defined by others, and they're trying to find a way to fit in or make it work for them.

By naming the reality that today, masculinity is "hard to acquire, and easy to lose", Perel pokes at men's heightened and unrealistic expectations to follow a path only Sysiphus would love. If you work hard, isolate, beef up, and push away, you've successfully earned your "man card." Use the word "cute" or stand incorrectly, and your man card is revoked. What is this bullshit?

Consider the following prompts:

What expectations of masculinity are you ready to give up in favor of your mental health?

What aspects of masculinity do you want to keep in favor of your mental health?

Want to read more? Try out these pages:

• Men’s mental health

• Online men’s group

• Queer men in the margins