I often hear the intense level of frustration or disappointment from guys about “losing” their erections while they’re with a partner. They tell me about how they feel like less of a man. They talk about feeling betrayed by their penis and their body. I hear about how they feel pressured by some of the masculine stereotypes of performing sexually. I’ll hear from clients that they feel like they’re losing hope and they talk about how they’ve “tried everything and nothing works.”

Most of all I hear about the embarrassment or shame of not staying hard during sex and oftentimes avoiding sex altogether to stay away from those feelings. 

One way to work against this is to normalize to yourself and a partner that erections, just like the human spirit, goes up and down. And that’s okay.

Wax and wane is an intervention to do just this.

We recommend you to see this article: Between Us Clinic's survey on best sex positions for erectile dysfunction

Follow this process by yourself or with a partner. Either way, it should be fun right? This isn’t homework, this is y’all exploring the different aspects of sex. 

• Begin by masturbating slowly. Allowing your penis to become fully erect. 

• Once erect, let go of your penis and allow it to naturally deflate until soft. 

• Wait thirty to sixty seconds

• Masturbate again until fully erect

• Repeat this process four times before you allow yourself to orgasm. 

Totally doable, right? 

An important part of this process is to take slow and deep breaths, and try to work on your frustration or disappointment. Just notice what’s going on. 

After all, it’s okay to have your ups and downs. 

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